The Secret®

This last weekend was the warmest, sunniest weekend in Belgium since September. The sky was blue, the birds were chirping, and the chairs and tables migrated out of the pubs and cafes onto the streets. So of course, I came down with the flu late Friday night.

I was quite ill all day Saturday, and stayed in bed and slept half the day, and Sunday wasn’t so great either. I was feverish, horribly nauseous, and ached all over. I could hardly look at text or even sit up enough to play on the computer. Woe is that day I cannot even manipulate the mouse!

But you know what? I now know… The Secret®. Yes, via the secret healing powers of... The Secret®, the Law of Attraction® taught to me by former reality T.V. producer Rhonda Byrne® visualized the manifestation of my being non-ill, and so I was healed by... The Secret®.

Actually no, that didn’t happen. The truth is my hero was Judi who got me fluids, and went down to the Apotheek and manifested the true secret- a drug called Motillin®. (® for real this time). The FDA has banned this drug from any use in the U.S.A. (despite the fact the FDA’s division of gastrointestinal drugs had approved the active ingredients, and the non-profit medical group Gastroperesis and Dysmotilities Association has strongly requested it be approved based on all evidence). The active ingredient is domperidone, a stomach settling agent found in breast milk. It is sold over the counter all over Europe, and was actually invented here in Belgium by Janssen Pharma.

Praise be to modern medicine, that stuff was amazing. I was even able to eat a little after taking it, my stomach settled, and nausea was kept at bay. Apparently this drug is one of the major “Secret Imports®” to the U.S. from Canada. Sometimes the FDA is an enigma to me- they block Motillin®, but they’ll let heart stopping cholesterol medicine slide. I say they just put the stuff in some alfalfa capsules and call it a “supplement” since the FDA refuses to regulate those, despite the fact many of them are pretty dangerous. But I digress.

Now you know The Secret®. Except I do not yet have the DVD, book, audio book, soundtrack, day planner, calendar, tote bag, and keychain. Nor have I been invited on Oprah.